Forgive Me
by hezziebob182
Summary: Common Thread. How it could have been. Please r&r! Complete. In a kinda strange way but complete all the same.
1. Trial and Error

Title: Forgive Me

Author: hezziebob182

Rating: T

Summary: Common Threads- how it could have been.

Chapter 1: Trial and Error

Disclaimer: I don't own Joan Of Arcadia. :( Pretty please don't sue me!

AN: No, Luke isn't high in this, Friedman can be if you like but he's not, ya know, in the story.

Joan's eyes scanned the landscape anxiously, every breath left in her lungs used up from her most recent scream. "ADAM!" She choked, gulping in the oxygen before trying again "ADAM!" She was soaked to the skin and freezing cold. Violent shivers wracked her body as raindrops fell down her face, mingling seamlessly with the tears. Joan could hardly see or move or breathe, she struggled helplessly, drowned by the water and suffocated by the guilt.

_Adam's out here somewhere and he's either hurt or lost or… or he's dead. No! No he's not dead. Of course he isn't. Where are you Adam? Have you hurt yourself? I'm so sorry. Please come back; don't give up! I need you._

"Come on Girardi," Grace wraps her arm round Joan's shoulders. Joan pauses for a second, grateful for the warmth and comfort. "Lets wait inside. There's nothing we can do right now," Grace flinches, obviously struck by her own words. Joan knew she was just as upset as she herself was. Grace had known Adam since when they were both so young, even before Adam's mom had killed herself. Grace had been the only person there for Adam then, she was the only one who knew even a fraction of what he had gone through.

"You're freezing." Grace looked so concerned, so vulnerable.

Joan didn't allow herself to care. "ADAM!" She would rather stay where she was and die calling for Adam than go inside and wait. Their souls were linked. Nothing that had happened or anything that could happen would even change that. She tried to find air space in her head focused on that connection, letting it consume her thoughts. Every second they had ever spent together flowed through her veins, a mixture of adrenaline and narcotics. She put all her energy into letting it flow.

_Where are you Adam? Are you hurt? Help me find you._

Nothing. Grace was still waiting for a response, her hair sticking to her face in wet clumps. She had been out in the rain even longer than Joan. "Grace…"

"Yeah?"

Joan couldn't ask what she had wanted to ask, couldn't say it.

_What if he killed himself because I couldn't forgive him?_

Joan settled for giving Grace a hug, clinging to her as they both clung onto hope, brought together by the boy that linked their lives in so many different ways. Grace hugged Joan, appreciating the friendship she had taken for granted for a while now.

"Give me a minute, k Grace? I'll see you inside."

Grace nodded, wiping her tears on her sleeve and trying to hide the fact that they ever existed. She went into the cabin and stood by the fire, staring at the view from the window and trying to filter out all the noise around her. Grace pulled her cell and tried once again to get through to Luke. No answer.

_Where are you when I need you Luke? Joan's a good friend but Rove's the best friend I've ever had. I've known him since forever. I love him. Not like Joan loves him but love all the same. He's like a brother to me. I can't lose him. What about Joan? How would I feel if it was Luke out there?_

Grace shudders at the thought.

Joan walked reluctantly into the cabin and hung up her coat and stood by Grace, outstretched hands to the fire savouring every bit of the warmth.

A rescue patrol officer went to use the cabin phone line.

"Why aren't you doing anything? Go find him! He needs help!" Joan pleaded, what was the use of all these people standing around when Adam was out there somewhere?

"We're doing everything we can right now Joan."

The smile was too pleasant, too familiar. Joan checked to see if Grace had noticed. She was staring intently out of the window, deep in thought.

"Out here," Joan hissed, dragging God outside.

"Why? Why are you doing this? Bring him back right now! How could you just let this happen?" Joan was furious.

"The whole free will thing really doesn't float with you does it? Adam went out there because he wanted to, not because I forced him to. This is nobody's fault!"

"Yes, yes it is! It's all connected! That's what you're always telling me! You framed me with those eggs; I got community service; Adam finds me there; Adam meets…Bonnie," Joan could hardly even say her name. She knew really though, it wasn't Bonnie's fault. "Adam and I break up; he comes out here! It's all connected!"

"Are you saying that me asking you to pick up some garbage got Adam lost in the woods? Every single little thing that we do in our lives is connected. You weren't born the person you are now. Every little thing you and the others around you do have made you who you are and everyone else who they are. That's the way I made it. It's about more than just me."

Joan sank down to the floor and sat down on the steps to the cabin. She was colder than ever without her coat but she was past even noticing it. She was even beginning to appreciate the numb sensation spreading through her.

_The cold isn't even that cold once you stop fighting it._

"So it was my fault?" Joan wished she could say he was wrong but she wasn't even sure of that anymore.

"No Joan. Now go back to the fire. Your on the brink of hypothermia."

Joan went back inside; confused the way only talking with God could make her.

_Why is it my job to talk to god? Why was I chosen? I'm probably the worst mistake he ever made. _

Joan found that Grace had got through to Luke.

"I think so… Could you...? Okay. And Luke...? Never mind, it can wait… Bye then."

Grace turned back to Joan. "He's on his way. Kevin is driving him."

Joan shrugged. Luke and Kevin, no Luke and Kevin, warm, cold, wet, dry, nothing like that mattered anymore. All that mattered was that Adam was okay.

"Girardi are you sure your okay?" Grace knew Joan was anything but.

They sat in silence and watched the flames dance in the fire. Grace, for the first time in her life, was praying. Grace had always been as distant to God as Joan could only wish he was to her. Thunder struck outside. Trees shook and birds scattered. Twenty minuets later Luke arrived with Kevin and Grace went to Kevin's car to talk to Luke on her own.

"Sorry it took so long to get down Grace but with the weather and all… is there any news?"

"No."

"Are you alright?"

"Not really. I'm better now you're here."

Luke gave Grace a hug, feeling her tears dampen his shoulder.

"That's what I needed to tell you Luke… I was thinking about how Adam was out there after a fight with Joan and how I'd feel if… if it was you out there instead of Rove."

Luke pulls Grace in further. "It's okay Grace, I'm here."

"I know; it's just that I realised something tonight and I had tell you just in case, you know, I didn't have another good opportunity."

"I'm listening."

"I love you Luke. I love you and I don't want us to be unfaithful and I don't want us to fight and I don't want you to get lost in the woods."

"I love you too Grace," Luke smiles and kisses his girlfriend, happy to here her say what he's wanted to say to her for so long. "And I don't want any of the stuff you don't want."

A Ranger came running up any banged on the car door.

"Come quickly, they think they've found your friend!"

Grace jumped out of the car and ran, followed by Luke.

Joan saw his face emerge from behind a bush. The face she could describe right down to the last detail from memory, the face that projected behind her eyes whenever she closed them. The face she hadn't been able to live with up until now, every glimpse of it painfully reminding her of his infidelity, his betrayal, his touch and kiss and smile. Of all the millions of images that her eyes had captured in her life, this one was the only one that really meant anything. She ran up to him and saw him pull down his hood, push up his fringe and find her standing in front of him. It was the first time in weeks Joan had seen him smile.

"Jane?"

"Adam!"

She flung her arms around his and held him so tight that neither of them could breathe. He was so cold, so wet and shivering. Joan kissed him, over and over again until she could bring herself to stop.

"Jane! What about… you know, Bonnie."

"Shhh, It doesn't matter. None of it matters. All that matters to me is that you're here and you're safe."

Joan buried her head into Adam's shoulder. She could feel him smell her hair.

_He's safe! He's okay! I love him and maybe, just maybe, I can forgive him._

A figure appeared from behind Adam, a stranger.

"Who's that?"

"Ryan. He helped me back, I'll tell you later. So does this mean that we… that we're us again?

"I don't know Adam. I just… I can't… give me some time. Until then, I think they have to take you to the hospital."

"Will you come with me?"

"Yes, I'll come with you."

Adam hugged Grace and his dad and even Luke before going off in the ambulance with Joan. Happy, sad, confused, loving and loved he could only hope Joan could come to decision.

To be continued soon…

So what did you think? Let me know! (Review!) Please let me know if you have any suggestions for chapter 2.

Save Joan Of Arcadia, Our only chance of series 3. Go to to find out what to do! Please!

Hezzie,

Xxx


	2. Regrets

Title: Forgive Me

Author: hezziebob182

Rating: T

Summary: Common Threads- how it could have been. Chapter 2 up!

Chapter 2: Regrets

Disclaimer: I don't own Joan Of Arcadia. :( Pretty please don't sue me!

AN: No, I'm not gonna deal with Ryan in this chapter. I decided A/J was enough. Plus it's kinda hard!

Joan sat in the waiting room of the hospital and tried to collect together her scattered thoughts into something that vaguely resembled sense.

_When he was out there I knew I loved him and that hasn't changed. I wanted to see him and hold him more than anything on this earth and if anything had happened to him or if he had done anything to hurt himself… I don't know if I would have been able to go on living. So does that mean I should have him back? I'm expected to just forget about what he did to me? What he did with Bonnie… that's a level we never connected on and I'm more reluctant to take that step with him now than ever before._

Joan murmured slightly, "No…" and attracted a few strange looks.

_What are you looking at!_

She thought about taking that step.

_No, that's not an option; but what about Adam? He deserves someone who can give him everything he needs. If we get back together those needs won't change…_

Joan was interrupted.

"Joan?"

"Leave me alone okay? I don't wanna here it! I don't want your help when it comes to Adam!"

"I'm sorry dear, he was asking for you," the nurse looked mortified. "Shall I tell him no?"

"Oh… sorry. Yes, I mean no. Yes I'd like to see him."

Joan was once again left feeling awful from the mistake she made so often.

_I really need to talk to God about some kind of codeword or something. He's God, surely he doesn't want me to offend people like that!_

Joan went pushed through the doors to find Adam, unwillingly inhaling the smell of hospitals that always made her sick. She replayed what the nurse had said back in her mind to find the room. She turned the last corridor and froze. It was her room. The one she had stayed in almost a year ago when everyone was telling her she was 'sick'. The room she had lay in and watched as God had faded in out of her consciousness, silent yet screaming in her ears. The room where she had risked everything and told Adam about God, only to have it thrown back in her face.

_What had he said? "I believe that you believe," something like that._

Not one day had gone by since then when Joan hadn't thought about what her life might be like if he had believed her. When she came back that summer he had tried to understand, tried to find a way of believing her but it had been too late. The part of her that had had the courage to share that with him was buried, buried so deep she wasn't sure she could ever dig it up.

"Hey Adam."

"Hey." Adam sounded sick. His voice was husky and strained, not unlike Joan's.

"Are you alright? What did the doctor say?"

"I'm fine. I just need to keep warm, drink stuff, whatever. It's just the same as a regular cold. I can go home tomorrow."

"They're keeping you in overnight?"

"It's just a precaution Jane. Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"What about…"

Joan interrupted. "It can wait until your home, I'm not going anywhere."

She meant it. That night she fell asleep on a chair at Adam's bedside. Joan considered that if it had been just a few weeks ago she would have thought nothing of curling up next to him.

_Things change._

Meanwhile Grace had stayed at the Girardi's. Assured that Adam was just fine they had put popcorn in the microwave and fallen asleep in each other's arms on a sofa halfway through the movie at four o'clock in the morning.

Joan awoke in a cold sweat with a thumping headache and rasping breath. She knew what she had dreamt; she had been out in the woods screaming for Adam again. She could see him and was running towards him but with every pace she ran he moved further back until she couldn't see him anymore.

_Calm down. It was a dream. You're safe; he's safe. It's all okay._

Joan went and sat at the end of Adam's bed. She had never seen him sleep before; he had always woken before her. She placed a hand tenderly on his forehead.

_Good, his fever's come down._

He looked so innocent, so helpless. Seeing him like this made her want to gather him up in a huge hug and make everything better.

_If only it were that easy._

Adam woke up to find Joan gazing at him. At first he thought he was dreaming about her like he did most nights, then he remembered everything that had happened through the past twenty-four hours. He remembers the argument and the trail and the weather and getting lost and finding his way back and Jane. He remembers how he just looked up and found her in front of him, remembers how she leapt to hug him and how they had kissed. So many kisses. Her hair had smelt of apple shampoo. He realises Joan's hand is on his forehead and looks up at her in question.

Joan pulls her hand back and looks down at the floor.

"Did you um, sleep okay? Your fever's almost gone."

"Yeah I slept okay. Thanks for staying with me."

"It's alright. I'm gonna go and speak to someone about when you can leave, your dad wants to see you anyway."

Grace woke up with her head resting on Luke's chest.

_What the…! Oh. Oh yeah. You fell asleep watching a movie. That's all. All you have to do is get upstairs to Joan's room without waking Luke. _

Grace looked up to find Luke smiling down at her.

_Too late. Aww, he looks so happy. _

"Hey. Morning sleepy."

Grace punched him swiftly in the arm.

"Morning _Grace. _Sorry."

"How many times geek? It's Grace or nothing! Um… how long have you been awake?"

"Long enough. You look so sweet when you sleep. I didn't want to wake you."

Grace blushed. "Really pushing it dude!" Grace couldn't help but smile. She got up to boil water for coffee.

Luke gets up and gets mugs out. "Whatever Grace," he says, pulling her in to kiss her neck.

"Seriously freak, I've not had any coffee yet! The making out can wait."

"Are you sure?"

"Okay, five more minutes." Grace pulls Luke back down to the sofa.

Joan followed Adam down to shed after arriving at his house.

"Are you sure you don't need to lie down or anything?"

"I'm fine Jane. Stop asking. I'm halfway through a piece for tomorrow, I need to keep working."

Joan scanned the shed, taking in all the artwork that surrounded the walls and every available surface. This was as close to Adam as she could be, looking at his work. They showed the feelings and thoughts and experiences he never talked about and in some ways it was more revealing than a diary. They had shared so many things in that shed. Her eyes froze on a new painting. It showed Adam close up with her herself reflected in his eyes. A single tear rolled down the side of his face and the background was pitch black.

Adam's eyes followed hers to the painting. He jumped up and tried to hide it but it was too late. He looked into her eyes and saw love and devotion and pain and suffering and hope. Adam couldn't stand to realise just how much he had put her through. He opened his mouth to say something; anything to break the silence but the words wouldn't come.

"I…I'm…you weren't… I'm so sorry Jane. It's killing me I'm so sorry."

"I know you're sorry. It's not enough Adam; you mean so much to me. Talk to me; tell me how it happened, why, what I did to make you do that. Please Adam, I need to know!"

"Jane I… I don't know how it happened. I went to her house to look at some work, you and I had fallen out or something, I can't remember…"

Joan let out a loud sob. "Don't stop."

"Jane please, you didn't to anything. I was selfish and stupid and low and it didn't mean anything. Ok so maybe it did mean something but if this," Adam put his thumb and his index finger together leaving the smallest possible space, "Was what I did with Bonnie, then this," He spread his arms out as far as they could go, "Is what you always have meant to me and always will. You're my whole world Jane."

Joan sobbed again. "Was it good? Did you enjoy it? Was it worth it?"

Adam tried his best to hold back his tears. "No it wasn't! It was the worst mistake I've ever made. With us… it would have been so special Jane. It wasn't special and it wasn't worth it and every second since it last happened I've hated myself for it."

"Adam, I… You never told me that. You could have told me."

"I know. When I was out there in the woods, I didn't know if I was gonna come back. I kept thinking about how I didn't deserve to be alive any more. About how if you didn't love me… then it wasn't worth it anyway." He couldn't control himself anymore, he cried, ashamed of what he had done and ashamed that he couldn't tell Joan how he felt without falling to pieces.

"Oh Adam…" She wrapped her arms around him and rocked him backward and forth.

"Shh, please don't cry. I _do _love you, more than you'll ever know. I know how sorry you are. I don't know if I can forgive you but I can try. Do you… do you want us to get back together?"

Adam stepped back, staring at Joan is shock.

"Are you saying…?"

Joan nodded slowly, as if she was working out the answer herself. She pulled Adam in for a kiss. And another. And another.

"I couldn't live without you either. I missed you so much. Nobody could ever make me feel the way you do."

"Jane?"

"Yes…?" She gave him another kiss.

"Are you sure?"

"Completely. Just don't expect me to do um…_stuff_ until I'm one-hundred per-cent sure."

"I'd rather die waiting."

Maybe to be continued… Maybe not…

I can't decide if it's finished or not. Please help me decide. And review please! Thanks. Rock on, Hezzie x x x


	3. Promises

Title: Forgive Me

Author: hezziebob182

Rating: T

Summary: Common Threads- how it could have been. Chapter 3 up!

Chapter 3: Promises

Disclaimer: I don't own Joan Of Arcadia. :( Pretty please don't sue me!

Ello reading and hopefully reviewing public. I have a few shout outs. (Hehe)

**Lemmingally**: Hey chicken, so are we gonna write some more Eric in tangeriny (whilst desperately trying to avoid the evil pink shirt wearing fanfic filled note invading obsessive coldplay hating gremlin who at regular intervals says inappropriate things and sings folk songs loudly and not so well in our learning environment) or what? (If you ever do read this (god forbid) then sozzy Sir! We do love your jazzy shirts! The multicoloured ties also!)

The mysterious "**Sam**" who always has nice things to say: Cheers. Have you thought about getting an account? I would so review any stuff you wrote!

**LostSchizophrenic**: Hey dude. I don't know you but oh well. Your review made me smile.

And all the other wonderful people who have had positive things to say about this story so far: I think your suggestions are gonna help! Thank you!

AN: Yes, I'm still ignoring Ryan. I am thinking about a fanfic solely dealing with him though, much as I hate him. Ally: I wanted to make Bonnie pregnant, really, and I will do something along those lines at an unspecified point in the future, maybe after I've gotten over this thing I have, it's called "needing to give fanfics sweet storylines-itis" (ok, so that one I did about bonnie, not so sweet, just a one off I think)!

Joan woke up as the sun appeared from her bedroom window. Squinting, she smiled and welcomed the new day.

_Wait, why am I smiling?_

She remembers the day before, vividly clear in her mind and yet as distant as a half forgotten dream.

_Adam and I. Joan and Adam. Adam and Joan. Us._

Joan had found it hard to keep a grip on reality those past few hours before she had dozed off. Thoughts spun around in her mind, crashing and colliding as the need for sleep took hold. The kisses they had shared that night, the look Adam had in his eyes when he had cried. Scenes from the Woods, Bonnie spray-painting a wall outside school, her first ever visit to Adam's shed, mock trial, the science fair, millions more. They played out in her head like a movie of her relationship with Adam where the guy arranging the scenes had messed up, all chronology lost to a random sequence that somehow ends up making more sense.

She rolls out of bed and gets dressed.

_I'll drop by at Adam's on the way; see if he's coming into school._

Joan jumped down the stairs three at a time and landed with a dull thud at the bottom. Helen was making pancakes.

"Morning Honey."

"Mom, I don't really have time for breakfast."

"You can spare your mother five minutes to eat the breakfast she has already made you, Joan."

"Okay, five minutes. Whatever."

"Joan," Helen put the plates on the table and sat down next to her daughter. "Are you sure your doing the right thing?"

"What? You mean Adam?"

"You were worried about him, you had a right to be, but you can't let it cloud your judgement. I know that you love him Joan but whatever the reason you broke up, I could see he hurt you really badly."

"I know, but maybe… maybe I hurt him too."

"Aww, sweetie, you're growing up so fast." Helen gave her daughter a hug, reassured that she had thought things through enough.

Joan ate breakfast and then left the house, anxious to see Adam. She found him in the shed once again, working on a new sketch. It was rain, hard and heavy, landing in puddles on ground. Although this was all it showed, Joan made the connection between it and the woods immediately.

"Hey Adam." She kissed the top of his head, still getting used to the newly reinstated closeness.

"Hey." He put the sketch down and curled his fingers through hers, pulling them to his lips to kiss them.

Joan took a deep breath in, revelling in the waves of emotion running through her. She was overcome with a sudden gratitude for the ability to feel the way this second made her feel.

_After all that's happened with us, I think I love him more. Is that possible? I can't imagine my life without us like this. _

"Are you coming to class?"

"Yeah, I guess. Listen Jane…"

"What…? The panic was more than evident in her voice.

"No, it's not like that. I was asking… last night, things got pretty intense. This is how I want things to be but if you've changed your mind… I understand." Adam had regretted the words before they had even left his lips but had been unable to stop them. His eyes blurred his vision with a teary screen, not flooding over yet but still there.

_No, no, no! Don't change your mind! I need you Jane! Don't leave me!_

Adam tried desperately to verbalise his thoughts but the tears were too close.

_Let her talk. If she's changed her mind I have to know._

Adam caught the look in her eyes, irresolute. He braced himself for the worst.

Little did he know that it wasn't her answer Joan was considering.

_Is he telling the truth? Or is that his way of saying he's not so sure?_

Joan saw the fear in Adam's expression.

_Oh! He's serious. He honestly thinks I've changed my mind! _

"No Adam! I've not changed my mind. If anything I'm more sure now."

Relief spread through him, enabling him to notice just how hard his heart was beating.

"Adam, the stuff I said last night, I meant it all. There's never gonna be anyone else but you."

Adam replied, "I meant what I said too. " He reached for his hat and pulled it down over his head before pulling up his hood. "And there never will be anyone else again, I swear Jane."

She nodded. "Let's go then."

When they got to school they went to Joan's locker. Grace joined them.

"Hey. How you doing Rove? I expected you to take a few sick days before you came back."

"Cha, I couldn't stand to miss AP physics," Adam caught Grace's expression of horror. "Like, _kidding _Grace."

"Dude, you worried me for a second! Seriously though, are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm really good. I…" Adam slips his hand back through Joan's. "We have something to tell you."

Grace looked from Adam to his and Joan's linked hands. She put two and two together and, for once, made four. "Um, I think I can guess. Congratulations… I suppose…" She didn't quite know what to make of this.

_Am I happy for Adam or concerned for Joan? Damn it, they always make me choose._

Grace wrestled with her dilemma for a few seconds before deciding.

_I can at least try to do both._

She gave Adam a hug.

He hugged her back, realising how little he had appreciated Grace's friendship since things between him and Joan had got hectic.

"Hey, public display of affection? Are you sick Grace?" Adam teased her, placing a hand on her forehead as if checking for a fever the way Joan had in the hospital.

"No. I'm just glad you're not dead, that's all."

"Whatever you say."

"Can I borrow 'Jane' for a minute Rove?"

"Yeah, sure. I guess."

"Come on then Girardi." Grace dragged Joan to the biology closet.

Luke was already there waiting for Grace. He smiled and got up to meet her. He saw his sister and the smile fell to the floor. "What…?"

Joan was equally pleased. "Ewww Grace. I'm not comfortable with watching my best friend and my little brother make out!"

"We're not…Wait, I'm your best friend?" For a second Grace looked elated. "Luke, just give us one minute? I'll make it up to you?" She licked her lips.

Joan looked away. "Again with the ewww! Grace!"

Luke picked up his bag and walked out, stopping on the way to kiss Grace's cheek. "I'm holding you to that."

"Anyway female Girardi, cut the sentimental crap for a second. You're back with Rove? How? Spill."

"I don't know Grace. It just happened." She saw Grace's look of concern. "I love him. Just like you love Luke."

Grace opened her mouth to protest but realised it was stupid to deny the truth. Truth she had already admitted to Luke.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Then I'm cool with it."

"Come here best friend." She pulls Grace in for a hug.

Grace hugs her back before shrugging her off. "God! Is it get all slushy towards Grace day today and nobody told me?" She was grinning though.

"Nope. Just needed a hug. And yes, you are my best friend."

"I don't do best friends."

"I seem to recall you don't do boyfriends either."

"Shoot. You got me."

"I'm gonna go find Adam."

"Tell Luke I'm waiting."

"Urg. Do I have to?" She did anyway.

Luke strolled in and grabbed Grace's waist. "What was that about?"

"Her and Rove are back to worshiping each other."

"Oh."

"That's it? 'Oh,' He cheated on her! They had a horrific break up! Less than a week ago! It's crazy.

"I suppose." He kisses her neck.

"Just so you know, you ever even think about doing something like that to me, forget forgiveness. You are DEAD."

"I know. But when I have you, why would I want to? I love you." Yet another hug for Grace.

"That's it. I'm postponing the making out. Sack history. I'm going home. I've had just about as many hugs as I can take in one day! Hopefully when I get back after lunch everyone will be slush free."

"Grace!"

"You could come with me if you like."

"Oh… I don't know. I've never…"

"God you are so geeky! Yes or no?"

Luke paused.

_Grace or school: School or Grace._ _Luke, are you seriously even considering this?_

"I'm there."

"Good boy. Side entrance is still open."

Grace took Luke to the park, where they ended up forgetting about class and spending the day there. Joan met Adam outside school after last class.

"Jane?"

"Yeah?"

"I want to make you dinner tonight, my dad's out late. Is that ok?"

"Sounds great. I didn't know you cooked."

"I haven't ever tried it before actually."

"Then how about I bring pizza?"

"Sounds perfect."

Joan arrived at Adam's at seven that night with an extra large pizza. She went straight down to the shed; she knew that's where he would be.

She found him, not drawing but waiting for her.

"Hey."

"Hey." After putting the pizza down she walked over and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Jane… I have something to ask you."

"Sounds serious. Go on then."

"After everything that's happened, I want to show you what you mean to me, need to show you I meant everything…" A few damp tears flowed down the side of his face. This time he did nothing to hide them. He pulled a velvet box out of his jeans pocket and sunk to the floor.

Joan suddenly knew exactly what the question was. Tears welled up her eyes. She wished she could pause time and have this second for the rest of her life.

_Adam!_

"Oh Adam."

The box opened to reveal a diamond ring.

Joan gasped.

_Oh my god._

"Adam…how?"

"It was my Mom's. She wanted me to have it." He took her hand. "Jane, will you marry me?"

Joan thought she was going to have a heart attack. This was too much to take in.

"Adam, we're sixteen years old."

"I know. I'm not saying now. I'm saying one day."

_She doesn't want to. I'm so stupid. I've probably just ruined everything. _

Joan reached over to Adam and put a hand on one of his damp cheeks, running her thumb over his skin. "Yes."

"What?" Adam couldn't believe it.

"Yes, I'll marry you." She looked into his eyes and put her left hand out to him, spreading out her fingers.

With a shaking hand Adam plucked the ring from the box and slipped it onto Joan's ring finger. It was a perfect fit.

"I love you." They kissed, a kiss like none other they had shared. It sent sparks down their spines as they stood there, lips fused, safe in the recognition that they would spend the rest of their lives together.

Hehe. I'm willing to bet you are either awww-ing by now or throwing up. There's going to be one more chapter, 10 guesses what it's going to be about! Please review! Thanks, Hezzie xXx


	4. Ellie Louise

Title: Forgive Me

Author: hezziebob182

Rating: T

Summary: Common Thread- how it could have been. Chapter 4 up!

Chapter 4: Ellie Louise.

Disclaimer: I don't own Joan Of Arcadia. :( Pretty please don't sue me!

Heya people. I know Ally's probably mentioned this to you but anyways… let me set the scene for you. Me, Ally, punk/rock local talent gig. Who turns up? Evil French tutor with jazzy shirts (worryingly replaced for "system of a down" t-shirt but hey the bracelets were still there!). Who the hell invited him? He must be the only person there over 30 who aren't there solely to make sure we don't set the building on fire! I get into the spirit of things jut a bit too much. We may have moshed. I promised to learn my vocab like a good little girl for a whole week if he forgets to mention this to the class. He spends the whole of next lesson asking Al and I if we are tiered and giving us strange smiles. The world is out to embarrass us.

Because I wrote those notes a day or two ago, here is a French tutor update (is it like, illegal for me to put my rants about him on the net? Let me know somebody!). Today he invaded a note that was really private and despite my relentless begging, he read it. And wouldn't give it back! God I hate him. Well the one-week has gone by so I can now go back to doing nothing much in French. I can, from my one week of actually trying,I cantell you (yeah this is kinda all the information I retained) that the French for youth hostel sounds like aubergine. Je m'appelle hezziebob. Parlez vous fraincais. No, not really. I can tell you that the French for youth hostel sounds like aubergine though. See? I'm an endless source of knowledge.

Just a few more shout outs, to the same people as last time,

Lemmingally: I'm always here for you chucky duck. I mean it. Call me. X

LostSchizophrenic: Hey dude. Again. I really don't have any idea as to why you like this story so much but I'm really happy that you do . Thank you!

Sam: Heyhey. Is it weird that I'm kinda disappointed that you're not mysterious? So where can I find your fics?

Oh, oh yeah, where was I? The story. I apologise.

AN: Fast forward by five years, this is where we are. So maybe they're a little young but just go with it. This was gonna be the wedding but decided to make it a little snippet of the week before, just so that I can have more time for the wedding and still put up something. So no, this is not, as stated in chapter 3, the end.

"Oh Grace, she's so beautiful, you're so lucky." Joan peered over at the tiny sleeping baby in Grace's arms. One of her tiny, tiny fingers was curled one of Grace's, the one with her wedding ring on.

"Not so beautiful when she's keeping us up all night, eh Luke?" Luke was sat next to Grace, his arms curled around his wife and baby.

Luke kissed Grace's cheek. "She, and you, will always be so beautiful to me. We've only had two weeks Grace, give it time."

"I can't believe she's only two weeks old, it seems like she's been home with us since forever." Grace smiled, thinking of the her wedding to Luke just one year ago, the apartment they shared, the jobs they had that they both loved and now their baby. Luke was doing post grad theorem whilst working at the science museum part time. Grace had just taken maternity leave from Arcadia high school where she teaches ethics. She is know by her first name and makes it plain that kids can turn up if and when they want to. Despite this, her classes have the highest attendance rate. Last year she had 283 pupils in total. She gave out 283 A's. There is talk of her replacing Mr. Price as vice principle.

_If somebody had told me six years ago that this was what my life would involve in six years time, I'd have asked them where I could find their dealer._

"So you went to the registry office?" Helen strolled over to kiss the top of her granddaughter's head.

"Yep. Ellie Louise Girardi. It's official."

"What about you Grace? Are you okay? Any more questions? It may have been a while since Luke was a baby but I still remember it!" Helen and Grace had become just as close as mother and daughter through the pregnancy. Grace had dragged Luke back to his parent's house many nights, just so she could stay up all night and eat ice cream with Helen and Joan and talk about baby stuff.

"Um… a few things I wanna ask about but we're not going to talk about Ellie now, we are going to go and help Joan pick out her wedding dress."

"Oh Grace, it can wait! I could stay here and stare at her all day." Joan loved being an aunt. In fact Ellie had already sparked a few conversations with Adam about them having kids. His reply had been the sensible- "Let's get married and _then _have kids." Well now the marriage was only a week away, Joan thought about her and Adam having their own little Ellie more and more. She wasn't jealous of Luke or Grace, the timing had been right for them. Now was agreeably the right time for her and Adam. He had finished all his courses, had a steady well paying graphic design job and frequently spoke of becoming a dad.

"It can not wait! The wedding's a week away! Ellie's sleeping; I got her a baby sling whatever you call it. We'll be fine. Won't we Helen?"

"Grace is right honey. We are going to get you a dress. Today."

"Okay then." Joan grinned and ran upstairs to get her bridal magazines that she had been marking pages with post-its for months.

They went to a dress shop in the next town, only after Grace and Helen spent half an hour assembling the baby sling. Joan's eyes scanned over all the dresses her eyes could see.

_Which one? There's so many! It has to be perfect! _

They spent a few hours there before Joan chose. It was long and pure white and sleeveless with a flowing train and veil. Joan saw it and imagined a princess trapped in a tower from a fairytale.

_It really is perfect. I didn't think it would be that easy._

They went back home. Adam met them there.

"So did you get the dress?" Adam was just as exited about the wedding as Joan.

"Yes. It's so perfect Adam. Your gonna love it."

"I'll bet."

Ellie woke up and let out a faint cry. Grace got up to get her from the crib in the Girardi living room.

"I'll go Grace." Luke jumped up to go to Ellie.

Grace sat down on a nearby sofa and watched, smiling, as Luke carefully lifted his daughter and carried her to the kitchen. He strapped her into the baby chair on the counter-top and heated a bottle. The cries got softer and softer as she calmed, watching Luke. He took her out of the chair and carried her to the sofa with the milk tucked under his arm. He settled next to Grace, feeding Ellie. Grace marvelled at how quickly they had both established some sort of pattern.

_Luke is such an unbelievable dad. I knew he would be. Ever since the day I told him about my mom and he came strait to school to see me and hold me and make it all so much better. I knew he was the only person who would ever get me. And I was right. And now we have Ellie. Beautiful, precious, tiny, soft, innocent Ellie. She's a part of us. Luke and I, frozen together for all of time in another person. It's amazing. _

Grace closed her eyes for a second, realising just how tired she is.

_Two weeks of stolen half hours of sleep each night really does you in._

She woke up to find the house dark, her, Luke and Ellie covered with blankets.

To be continued…

Next up, wedding. Hehe.

Keep on rockin dudes!

Hezzie xXx


	5. I Do

Title: Forgive Me

Author: hezziebob182

Rating: T

Summary: Common Thread- how it could have been. Chapter 5 up!

Chapter 5: I do. (Original huh?)

Disclaimer: I don't own Joan Of Arcadia. :( Pretty please don't sue me!

OMG! French tutor update- today is… the 5th? Anyways…

He got up on a table at the front of class, put on some hideously feminine French music and started performing equally hideously explicit dance moves. Tell me that is against child protection laws, somebody, please! He is so wrong in the head it's not even true. Oh well. It was hilariously funny and while he's spending half a lesson table dancing (Ah that sounds so wrong…) he can't bust me for chewing gum (I had to give it up just for him, evil!) or passing notes (who even reads other peoples notes anyways… except French speaking psychopaths such as Mr. (I can't put his name, apparently). Hear that sir? (Well you can't really coz you don't know this site exists… hopefully.) One day you will be named and shamed. (No he hasn't got anything medically wrong with him as far as I know, that's the scary thing)

Shout Outs…

Tote: Wow. That's the closest I've ever come to a flamer! Thanks for the review and for being so complementary of my writing. I acknowledge that there have been major flaws in the plot and logic of this fic from the beginning. Like, for instance, how totally far fetched the whole idea is. I respect you for being the first to point that out. TJ mentioned that you and her were writing something that may lead up to a Joan/Adam reunion. I'm looking forward to it.

LostSchizophrenic: Hey dude. I was looking for something of yours to read and review but I haven't seen "Phantom of the Opera" (Am I missing anything?) and I don't watch Jedi whatever that was. And I could have reviewed anyways I guess but that would have been insincere. Hows about you write some JoA and then I give you a long detailed A-level standard essay review (well maybe not quite…) to show my appreciation for your supremely kind reviews? Hehe.

Koala: Hmm. Honeymoon/ wedding night. I assume you meant the sex? Sorry. Usually I'm completely open to requests but I have a set kinda direction I'm taking this in and I'm too lazy to fit new stuff in. I really appreciate the suggestion though.

Lemmingally: (Use Mr. French Teacher voice in head.) What? What? You are so laughing right now, admit it.

For people reading this, check out "Mini Marge and the Unfinished Poptart" by my bestest bud, Lemmingally. It's in my fave stories and it is hilarious. I also have assurance that the funniest stuff is yet to come!

AN: If Adam and Joan do have middle names, I can't remember them so I'm making them up, is that ok? And I'm ignoring some of the standard wedding sequence and changing some stuff around. I would ask if this is ok but I'm the author so I can decide these things (haha power trip only joking).

Damn… Why is all this fun stuff so distracting?

"Adam, one small thing. To you I am Jane. I love that, I'd hate for you to call me Joan after all these years. But just so you know, when we get married tomorrow, the priest will call me Joan in the service."

"Oh yeah. I guess so. It doesn't matter. It's you I'm marrying, Joan or Jane." Adam sometimes forgot that Joan's name was Joan altogether.

"So have you written your vows yet?" Joan had been thinking about them since Adam had suggested they write their own.

"Nah. I don't think I'm gonna write them down. I know what I have to say." He pulls his fiancé in for a quick kiss. "Now I'm gonna go. I'll see you tomorrow." He grinned, realising just how close tomorrow and all that it held was. Luke was waiting downstairs. He had dropped off Grace and Ellie who were spending the night at Helen and Will's with Joan, and was taking Adam back to the apartment.

Joan squeezed Adam tight. "The next time I see you I'll be walking down the aisle."

Adam squeezed her back. "Cha, it's like so close. I can't wait. I don't know how I'm gonna get to sleep tonight."

"Me neither. Love you."

"You too. Bye." Adam hadn't really wanted to spend the night at Luke and Grace's apartment but hey, tradition is tradition, or so Joan had said.

"Bye." Another kiss.

Luke was waiting patiently for them to separate. They did, eventually. "Hey sis. Big day tomorrow." Luke walked over and gave Joan a kiss on the cheek before kissing Grace and the top of Ellie's head. "Night sweetheart."

Grace sincerely hopped he was talking to Ellie.

Luke left, followed by a reluctant Adam.

Everyone got to sleep relatively early. The morning went by in a mess of hair styling, make up, nail painting, tux wearing, corsage pinning and rented limos. Grace and Helen attempted to help Joan get ready and took it in turns to attend to a screaming Ellie. Minor catastrophes such as Joan breaking a nail were smoothed over and Grace managed to deprive the whole stressed household from alcohol throughout these preparations. Grace was a teetotal adult, as was Luke.

Finally they were there.

Joan stepped out into the back of the church and saw her father waiting in the centre of the back of the aisle. She stood strait, holding her bouquet in front of her and walked as gracefully as she could to meet him. Will kisses his daughter and offers her his arm. She takes it and turns to look at Adam. He's smiling, waiting for her like he has been his whole life. She proceeds to walk down the aisle, slowly and in time to the music she knows so well now.

_Wedding march, funeral march, they're scarily similar. _

Joan turns her head around as subtlety as she can manage to peak at Luke, her brother and best man, Grace, her best friend and maid of Honour and Ellie, currently lying on her dad's shoulder, one of her bridesmaids. They walked slowly behind her and Will. Luke and Grace were probably more familiar with the whole wedding process than Joan. Ellie was wearing a tiny lilac dress that matched Grace's.

Friedman and Glynis followed them. They had been dating the past six months. And getting on pretty well, as Joan would guess, considering they were engaged.

Joan finally reached the altar. A sleepy Ellie was passed to her mom as she went to stand by Joan and Luke went to stand by Adam. Glynis and Friedman took their places.

_Awww I love this. All of us back together again. _ _Except…except Judith. I miss you Jude, I really wish you could be here for this. The night you died, when you arranged that date for Adam and I, you told me that one-day we would get married. You were right. _

Then she caught a glimpse of that familiar and ever painful to see face in the piles of guests. She wondered is maybe she was cracking up.

_What…? Judith? _

Joan looked back and saw nothing.

_Well maybe Joanith is here today after all._

Joan had finished 'working' for God two years ago; they had both agreed that she had done enough. He still popped in and out of her life on a regular basis but had no demands, no missions. Joan remembered God's cryptic words, "Your time for me has come and gone but be warned, your duties are not yet over. One day when I feel you are ready, the torch shall be passed."

_I understand that much but to who and where and why?_

She decided not to think about that now.

"Jane," Adam looked into Joan's eyes and considered his next sentence.

The priest looked down at his typed info sheet in confusion. He narrowed his eyes in suspicion at the paper.

_No, it definitely says Joan. Joan Elizabeth Girardi. He did just say Jane didn't he?_

He chose to forget it.

Adam continued. "Five years ago on a cold stormy night in my shed, I asked you to marry me. I was so sure I had gone too far. And you, despite all the stuff I put you through and the mistakes I made…"

_Like forgetting her name?_

The priest wondered.

"…And the stuff I did that hurt you," he sniffed quietly. His voice dropped to a low whisper, "Said yes." He realised everyone in the church was straining to hear him. His voice rises again, still slightly shaky. "You said yes." He turns back to make eye contact with Joan once more. "In the past five years, every single day you've made me smile. Every day I've thought of this. We've shared everything. The good stuff and the bad stuff. From the first day we met you've turned my life upside down. I was drowning Jane,"

_Again! He just said Jane again! Does nobody notice? Is my sheet wrong? We met… I think she introduced herself as Joan. What should I say in the service…?_

The priest looked through the hoards of guests.

_Nobody seems to have noticed!_

He worried.

Joan thinks about Adam's last admission.

_Drowning. Interesting choice of word. Ask me to describe how I felt that night in the woods in one word? I'd have said drowned. Oh Adam, I can't believe we're getting married... Whoops, guess I should be listening to this. _

"I wasdieing slowly a little each day. You pulled me out of the water and made me want to catch my breath. You saved my life. I promise to love you, honour you, respect you, be faithful to you, paint pictures for you and make you feel the way you make me feel every day for the rest of my life." He smiled; pushing aside the fear or embarrassment he had felt about having to recite his feelings to a church full of people.

Joan held back the tears. "Oh Adam. I love you. That's all I've ever known and all I've ever wanted to know. I know you did stuff in the past that you'll never forgive yourself for… but that's where those things are, in the past. And I wish you could forgive yourself, I've… I've forgiven you."

Adam inhaled sharply; shocked to hear the words he never thought he'd hear.

The priest tried to imagine what Adam had done that was so hard to forgive.

_Maybe this is about more than him forgetting what her name was…_

"I promise to love you, be faithful to you, honour you, respect you and carry on making you feel the way you say I do for the rest of my life."

The priest kicked in… "Do you, Adam Daniel Rove take this woman," He paused for a second.

_Ah well. I go with either one I have a fifty- percent chance._

"Joan Elizabeth Girardi, to be your lawful wedded wife?"

Luke takes the rings and passes them to the couple.

Adam took a deep breath. "I do."

The priest looked pleased.

_Woohoo. Correct. _

"And do you, Joan Elizabeth Girardi, take this man, Adam Daniel Rove, to be you lawful wedded husband?"

The moment Joan had been waiting for, "I do."

"If anyone knows a reason why this man and this woman should not be joined in holy matrimony, they should speak now or forever hold their peace."

The church fell silent. After a few seconds the priest continued.

They exchanged rings.

"I now pronounce you man and wife." He turned to Adam. "You may kiss the bride."

They kissed. And kissed. And kissed.

"I love you Mrs Rove."

"I love you too."

Awww… so slushilyfied. Hehe. There are 2 more chapter which, all being well, I am gonna upload strait after this. Review! (Yeah you can read the rest first if you'd prefer!)


	6. When The Time Is Right

Title: Forgive Me

Author: hezziebob182

Rating: T

Summary: Common Thread- how it could have been. Chapter 5,6 up!

Chapter 6: When the time is right.

Disclaimer: I don't own Joan Of Arcadia. :( Pretty please don't sue me!

Hmm. I know that I could have put this chapter and the next on as like, extensions of chapter 5 but I decided to make them separate.

AN: They've been married about 5 months.

Joan sat in the living room of hers and Adam's apartment, waiting for him. She heard his key in the lock and the soft click as the door closed behind him.

"I came as quick as I could. What is it?" Adam looked worried. Joan's phone call had been brief and almost incomprehensible.

"It's okay. It's…it's good."

Adam tried to guess and got nothing. He sat down next to her.

"I'm… I'm, she grabs one of Adam's hands and squeezes it tight. Then she opens it out and places it over her stomach, her eyes locked on his.

Adam's expression softened, his eyes misting. "You're… you're pregnant?"

Joan nodded. "We're gonna have a baby Adam."

He reaches round her for a hug.

"I love you. I'm so happy."

Joan sighs in relief. "Me too."

AN: Could I be any more predictable? I hear ya. The next bit though, hopefully is slightly more original. Review! Or, ya know, read chapter 7 first. Should be up now.


	7. Ever Burning Flame

Title: Forgive Me

Author: hezziebob182

Rating: T

Summary: Common Thread- how it could have been. Chapters 5,6,7 up!

Chapter 7: Ever burning flame.

Disclaimer: I don't own Joan Of Arcadia. :( Pretty please don't sue me!

AN: Fast forward by about seven years or so. I'm aware that the focus of this story has moved all over the place and it's all weird and sillyfied. I had an English teacher that told me you have to decide where a story is going when you start it and focus on wherever that is and stop once you get there or the reader gets confused. Are you confused? Let me explain something now, When I started off this story I had just watched "common thread" for the first time and it inspired me and I knew that the end (of JoA) was near and that hurt and I was upset that Adam and Joan probably wouldn't get back together so I sat down and I put sad music on and I wrote chapter 1 and felt a bit better. Things kinda went downhill from there and I went all over the place on tandems and things got crazily unrealistic and before I know it here I am. Changing my focus again. Oh well. Forgive me. (No seriously, not a pun) I'm really young and foolish.

"Juliet come on, lunch is ready." Joan called her daughter inside from the garden.

Adam rushed in to meet her. She ran into the kitchen and threw herself into her dad's arms. "Were you playing alone honey?" Adam asked.

"No, silly daddy, I was playing with my friend." Adam looked across at Joan, who shook her head in confusion.

"What friend Juliet?" Joan was interested.

"Only I can see her." Adam glanced over at Joan, trying to decide if she was thinking what he was thinking. Him and Joan had discussed everything related to God over the past seven years and slowly, Adam had come to except it all for the truth. He knew from Joan's look of concern that she was thinking exactly what he was.

"Does she have a name? What does she look like sweetie?" Joan tried to keep calm.

"Her name is Yaya. But sometimes she's a boy. She always looks different."

Joan tried to wipe away the tears swimming from her eyes.

"Don't worry mommy; she's nice. You'll like her."

"It's okay Juliet, I think I know her already. We should…should probably talk about her soon though."

"Okay. Can I take my lunch in the garden?" She picked up her plate.

"What… Oh. Yes." Juliet walked out.

Adam walked over and put his arm around Joan. He struggled to find any words at all. "What… what do we do?"

Joan remained silent, deep in thought.

"Jane?"

Joan took a deep breath. "It's okay Adam. I guess it's kinda a gift. She'll get through this. She has us."

"So you're okay with it?"

"Yeah. I am. We can help her through this. At least she won't have to hide anything."

"Are you gonna speak to him about it?"

"Who?"

"Uh, God."

"Yes. I am. And I think that maybe… maybe you should be with me when I do."

"Is that like, allowed?"

"Why not?"

"I guess."

"So are you okay?" Joan was willing to except this, knew all that the future might hold for Juliet. She was worried about Adam's reaction though.

"Yes. Worried but also kind of exited. Is that weird?"

Joan shakes her head. "I know exactly what you mean."

Well now you can review. Perfect chance. Do it now. Pretty please. With every single variety of ice-cream topping there is on this earth on top? I think you may sense my desperation. I think it has to be over now. Let me know if you disagree but to do this you must be able to tell me what I could do with it now because I'm lazy and I'm out of ideas.

See ya,

_Hezzie x x x_


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